Brooke Hogan works a lot, guys!

When asked if she was voting for Barack Obama in the upcoming election, Brooke Hogan said she was just glad an emotional, menopausal woman wasn't in the race, and wanted to know more about his opponent Ike. After it was explained to her that John McCain is the Republican nominee and Eisenhower's "Vote for IKE" campaign shouldn't be confused with Hurricane Ike, which has ravaged the Texas coast, Brooke made a shout out to God and VH1' s "I Love Money."

This is not really how Brooke's conversation with Defamer went down of course... I mean, come on, there's no way Brooke knows who Dwight Eisenhower is! How could she? She doesn't even know about McCain's controversial, historic, and disturbing choice for VP -- Sara Palin.

Well, we can rule out some explanations for this...

1. She's doing charity in a third-world country and doesn't have a TV
2. She's a single mom working 60 hours a week in order to give her child a comfortable lifestyle, so is a little out of touch with equally out-of-touch politicians
3. She's a disenfranchised racial minority who's lost all faith in the government and tunes out political news
4. She's been in a coma for several months

Here's the real explanation, from the horse's mouth:

1. She works a lot
2. She tries to ignore the US media as much as possible

Oh, really?!? To your credit, it does take a lot of balls to pretend to be beautiful and talented, and you sure have the necessary balls for that. But I doubt you're working more than 3 hours a week (if that... singing poorly, posing for magazines that later airbrush the chin out of you, and making sure not to run into the trailing cameramen on your reality show doesn't totally count as work).

With just one Google image search, I actually discovered that you're at the beach 361 days a year and you have precisely 100,720 muscle-hugging bikinis.

I also find it difficult to believe you're turned off by the US media, when it's the only reason anyone knows who you are, and it's the only reason you and your family have so much money and thus don't have to work more than 3 hours a week... after all, you followed up your pop's reality show (co-starring you) with your very own, which you've ironically used to spout off to the country about why perpetually PMS-ing women like Hilary Clinton shouldn't run for pres.

But what do I know? I mean, you really do know best. Indeed, God would make a great president.

Hey, maybe I'm being a little mean. If my mom and dad recently divorced, and each underwent an American Beauty-style crisis and dated someone my age, and my brother was in jail for at-fault car crash that led to the near-vegetation of his best buddy, I probably wouldn't give much of a fuck about Sarah Palin either.

Fill in the blank...



Ali Lohan will get a nose job in ___ months?

The New Famous

Forget blockbuster movies, hit television shows, number one songs, best-selling books, scandalous court cases, history-altering inventions, scientific discoveries, heroic tales, or political titles; to become a household name, all you need is a bunch of Myspace friends!

At least that's how reality TV queen Tila Tequila rose to fame. The social networking diva, once a Playboy Cyber Girl, boasts more than three million Myspace friends today. That's two million more than what rocketed her to stardom. (Tila had roughly one million friends when Stuff Magazine "discovered" her.)

Tila's self-produced songs, self-advertising, self-importance, friend adding skills, and in effect - loyal fan base, transformed her into a product worthy of mass exploitation. From posters to magazine covers to reality TV shows, Tila has marketed herself to the hilt. Is she a renaissance woman, or did she simply have the brains to insert herself into as many different entertainment channels as possible? Modeling, music, semi-nude porn, MTV – I’m afraid to ask what’s next!

But Tila is just one example of a new generation of celebrities who don't need talent agents, or even talent for that matter, to become famous, and furthermore - don't need to be branded by movie studios, record labels, television networks, or publicists. For instance: Tequila is, unsurprisingly, a stage name; her real, not-so-catchy last name "Nguyen" was scrapped from the get-go. (If Tila’s favorite poison was whiskey, would I be writing an article about her right now?) Do-it-yourself marketing is the new name of the game and it’s sweeping the entertainment world, for better or worse.

Once a web 2.0-savvy celebrity turns his or her fate over to anybody but the fans, the story becomes familiar. But his or her YouTube, Myspace, Blogger-inspired journey to fame is what sets him or her apart from the Britney Spears', Angelina Jolies, and Lindsey Lohans of the world.

While it seems socialite Paris Hilton and famous little sisters Brooke Hogan and Ashlee Simpson fit this bill, they really don’t. They may not have a lick of street credit to back up their music/movie careers, but the rich and nepotistic are nothing new to society. So what about Lauren Conrad and the rest of “The Hills” gang? Considering that “The Real World” first aired in 1992, Lauren is no pioneer either.

Perez Hilton, on the other hand, has helped Tila pave the way for starry-eyed nobodies everywhere. Whether it's a Myspace profile or a gossip blog commanding the attention of Internet users, page views are page views are page views. And for now, the playing field is precariously level.

Even celebrities with standard claims to fame (I answered a casting call, got discovered by a talent agent in a diner, got signed by a record label, knew someone who knew someone) are borrowing these easy 21^st century marketing techniques. Instead of releasing press statements, the rich and famous write blog entries; in some cases, they desperately solicit press via Myspace (see Brooke Hogan).

What have not changed are the fans. It's not interesting that you read Perez Hilton every day; what's interesting is how you came to read Perez Hilton. Did you stumble across the notorious and sassy blog on Google or did a friend tell you about it? This is the revolutionary step from unknown to superstar that Tila, as rabidly annoying as she is, keenly understood several years ago.

It’s a naturally American concept really; equal opportunity for all! If Google persists as an authoritatively fair search engine, anyone can have a show on VH1. You, Average Joe (or Jane), possess the potential to captivate millions and millions of people at any given moment, for free, and from the comfort of your own home. It could take an entire year for a hard-working street performer to reach such an audience.

If you can’t manage to grab the attention of millions of people, why not garner the affection (or hate) of a few thousand instead? Many Internet micro-celebrities, like Lisa Nova, Chris Crocker, and William Sledd, have hundreds of thousands of fans each, and counting! So far, they’ve needed only a small semblance of a Middle Man to maintain this momentum. (Unless YouTube counts as a Middle Man!) In its heyday, this modest little blog had several thousand hits a month; a thousand unique readers came back week after week.

Is it now easier than ever to go from rags to riches? The entertainment industry is hardly the only one affected by mass communications. Every profession probably has its own Tila Tequila.

But how long will this last? Will traditional media tame the unstoppable, powerful beast we know of as the Internet, and if it does, will there be enough room for all of us?

Funny Celebrity comeback post!

Harry Hilton.



If you want to witness a look of both confusion and dismay, go find a random person off the street and say to them: "I've never read Harry Potter."

I know it's easier to believe broomsticks can fly than is to believe I haven't read a single book by J.K. Rowling, but I haven't and I don't plan to. The movies are enjoyable enough, but I figure if I'm going to begin a habit of reading, I'll pick up something a little more literary and/or educational.

It seems any one of us could write a compelling adventure/soap opera about wizards. There's no limit to your imagination and thus you can create just about any situation and it will come across as magical, entertaining, and realistic in the Harry Potter universe. So that's why I don't understand why Rowling is hailed as some sort of genius.

Couldn't a 10-year-old jot down similar plot outlines? Say what you will about the scatterbrained Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy -- there's a real brilliant wit and originality to them. Hey, I've no doubt Harry Potter is written with great competence and I'm not about to start genuinely criticizing an author I've never read. But I haven't read Lord of the Rings or Star Wars (novels/screenplays/adaptations) either, and by the general stories, I understand why Token and Lucas are considered such masters of fantasy. I don't even need any arcane insight to appreciate the worlds Token and Lucas crafted! Because, you see, there's an internal logic to Lord of the Rings and Star Wars.

Harry Potter is just plain random. Yes, you've got the Good v. Evil focus holding it all together, but any writer can rely upon that pretty effortlessly; there's not much more meat than that. Delightful, cute, fun, creative, and even timeless? Sure! But genius? From my vantage point, Rowling got a good idea in her head and simply ran with it. An idea, I'll add, that was buried in obscure movies and books like The Worst Witch. Beyond that, it just seems like she's making it up as she goes along.

Wake me up when this craze is over. Because of all you nutty Harry Potter fanatics, CNN spent more than 50% of its morning newscast, I reckon, on the latest book release. They even interviewed little kids about it.

I know this isn't a fleshed-out rant, but I don't want to spend a lot of time on this subject!

Just don't evangelize me, k?

John Mayer is annoying, just like all of Jessica Simpson's ex-boyfriends.



Every year will see a few one hit wonders. I really thought "No Such Thing" was going to be the one hit wonder of 2002. After it played on the radio 3.5 billion times (yeah, I did the research, it played exactly 3.5 billion times! or at least I felt like it did), we surely wouldn't hear from its creator John Mayer ever again.

Mayer just didn't seem like music superstar material to me. His face looks like that of a sleepy, sick alien. His voice is nothing short of irritating. He has silly stage presence. Wouldn't people get tired of him after a few months? But he didn't go away.

He stuck around for another five years in fact. To top it off, Time named him one of the Most Influential People of 2007!!!

For what??? Breaking up with Jessica Simpson... twice? (Jessica's wonderland got a little boring after a while, huh John?) For charity work that's funded by special sales of Mayer memorabilia? Wooptey doo, the price of a front row ticket to one of your shows goes toward your charity fund, how very Bono of you. For writing a blog entry telling people to care about Global Warming?

When Dane Cook was said to have had a few sexy rendezvous with Jessica Simpson, he lost a whole lot of my esteem (not that he wasn't already gradually falling from grace with his repetitive comedy routines and crappy career choices) and I'm starting to see a trend: Simpson's boyfriends are just plain annoying, no? (In addition to ex husband Nick Lachey, she apparently had a fling with another annoying vocalist... Adam Levine.) Levine, ps, also was rumored to have dated Natalie Portman. So he mustn't be that annoying if the lovely Portman fancied him.

I've never been one for singers with a) breathy voices or b) an air of self-importance and Mayer fits into both those categories, so I guess we just weren't meant to have any kind of amicable relationship post-"No Such Thing."

My tip to Mayer: date someone a little less orange than Jessica Simpson next time, or get a tanning booth membership!

The Best Way to Spend Your Sunday Nights This Summer: HBO's "Flight of the Conchords"



Football hasn't started yet. March Madness is long over. Your favorite shows are in hibernation. That doesn't mean you can't enjoy some great television though! The networks get experimental during the summer and as a result, we have a new, delightful comedy series on HBO to discover and absorb -- "Flight of the Conchords."

New Zealand's Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie have performed in their mock folk/sometimes hip-hop band Flight of the Conchords for years, but up until now their fans in the US consisted mainly of search-savvy Youtubers and folks who were lucky enough to catch their concert special on HBO from a while back. (You can probably still watch it On Demand.)

I've been a cheerleader for Jemaine and Bret for a long time -- I could probably even track down a 2-year-old blog entry of me raving about them. Why? Well, take any "comedy duo" in America today and multiply the chemistry by 100 and you have Flight of the Conchords.

Straight man Bret plays a gentler counterpart to stony, persistently awkward Jemaine (who you'll recognize from the Outback Steakhouse commercials). Their musical act was once bound to the stage, but Jemaine and Bret's surprisingly complex characters are well-deserving of a television series. A simple, goofy exterior (and not to mention catchy melodies and hilarious lyrics) will draw you in, but the more you watch these characters unfold, the more you'll see yourself in them.

Jemaine is probably one of the most talented working actors right now, possessing the rare ability to deliver five emotions with just one look. His simultaneously perplexed and disgruntled stare is one of my favorites.

When I attended the South by Southwest film festival this March, I was pleasantly surprised to see Jemaine in Eagle v. Shark, playing a Napoleon Dynamite-like character in a Napolean Dynamite-like movie. He's a lot more lovable in "Flight of the Conchords" though, and of course he's got his guitar to back him up. (Not that he needs it.)

So, if you've got nothing to do this Sunday night or heck, even if you do -- cancel your plans!, and take a look at "Flight of the Conchords." Broadway fans will be thrilled to see Sutton Foster in a lead role and Flight of the Conchords fans will be happy to hear some of their favorite songs recycled and polished. For the rest of you, what have you got to lose? There's nothing else to watch!

The humor is sometimes a bit subtle, but I think an investment in the show is worth it just to get a taste of the two main actors, who I've no doubt will go very far if they want to.

The Ten Hottest Lesbians
Why not?

I really can't justify having a strong opinion about which lesbians are hot and which are, well, not so hot. After all, I'm only half lesbian -- I'm a female, but a heterosexual one. I'd like to think, though, that if I was a lesbian or a heterosexual male who fantasizes about (i.e. jacks off to the thought of) lesbians, I'd have good taste. You be the judge!

It took quite a bit of research to figure out who only plays a lesbian on TV and who is hiding in the closet, but I did my best. Here are my picks for the ten hottest lesbians, give or take a few bisexuals! (It seems the casting director of "The L Word" agrees with me.)

Portia de Rossi

For years, Portia was that pretty actress who seemed vaguely familiar, popping up in random TV shows and movies, but was in the end, hard to place (though fans of "Ally McBeal" would disagree). In 2004, she encountered a new level of fame as Ellen Degeneres' real-life girlfriend. It wasn't until 2006, however, that she forged an identity for herself as a talented actress... that is the year she surprised audiences with her pitch perfect performance in Fox's short-lived but memorable "Arrested Development," playing the the ultra-conceited, gold digging Lindsay Bluth. Her flawless blond hair, killer smile, and enchanting eyes that say "I know something you don't know!" secure her as one of the most beautiful women on this planet! Consider her Rapunzel with an edge. Degeneres is one lucky lady.

Michelle Rodriguez

She hasn't officially come out, but there's little question that Michelle Rodriguez is a lesbian... and a sexy one at that! She's more than just a hot ass, though -- she could probably kick yours. After her acting debut in Girlfight, Rodriguez continued to get type cast as the "tough chick" -- take her roles in Fast and the Furious, Resident Evil, S.W.A.T, Bloodrayne, and "Lost," for instance. I don't think we'll see her starring alongside Hugh Grant in a romantic comedy anytime soon.

Leisha Hailey

K.D. Lang's ex-girlfriend Leisha is as cute as a button with her Meg Ryan-esque squint. She's recently earned a big fan base because of her role in "The L Word." It's hard to stand out in the hit show's crowd of beautiful lesbian characters, but Leisha does it well, playing girlie girl Alice.

Kristanna Loken

With just one look, the openly bisexual Kristanna (aka the "Terminator 3 chick") can steam up the screen in an instant. She's got nearly perfect facial features and a body that's to die for; it's really no wonder she began a modeling career at the age of 15 -- she's an exotic and entrancing beauty like no other. Let's face it, the only good thing about Bloodrayne was her sex appeal and luckily for fans, she's now found a home on TV in "The L Word" and "Painkiller Jane."

Kate Moennig

Kate won't share her sexual orientation with the press, but I'd assume that if she was straight -- she'd say so, like her other heterosexual "L Word" costars. Regardless, she could probably turn a straight woman gay -- if you looked up androgyny, you'd see Kate's picture! She's one of those people that everyone is instantly attracted to, male or female, gay or straight. And that's why she easily makes this list.

Nelly Furtado

Yep, Nelly likes the boys and the girls! She's like a bird... she likes to fly away... she doesn't know where her vagina will take her next. The striking singer from Canada is another inevitable pick.


Angelina Jolie

Brad Pitt has a LOT of competition... as the woman he left Jennifer Aniston for swings both ways. The luscious Angelina is one of the most bewitchingly beautiful actresses in Hollywood today and her recent non-movie role as a jet setting humanitarian and activist has certainly made her both desirable and admirable. Go ahead paparazzi, just try to take an unflattering snapshot of Angelina! (Hard thing to do.)

Guinevere Turner

Who's Guinevere, you ask? Well, she's Portia's ex-girlfriend and she's just as lovely as her name. Guinevere is a triple threat in Hollywood: she can act, write, and direct. She not only was behind the scenes of "The L Word," but she also got in front of the camera. Not to mention, she wrote the critically-acclaimed The Notorious Bettie Page. However, another film she wrote -- Bloodrayne, which starred fellow lesbian hotties Kristanna Loken and Michelle Rodriguez -- really was notorious. Let's cross our fingers she doesn't do another video game adaptation.

Jackie Warner

The fitness trainer who stars in Bravo's "Work Out" is also one sultry lesbian. She grew up an athletic child and is apparently a very good equestrian. No, equestrian isn't a sexual term! She rides horses. (Speaking of horses, I could kill a small one for her abs.)

Ani DiFranco

Ani is one of those unusual beauties you love to look at. She's pretty easy on the ears too -- Ani has been hailed as one of the greatest singer-songwriters of our time, right next to Tori Amos, and while she's only ever flirted with mainstream radio, she's a well-known artist and bisexual at that.